This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed)
Well, we've arrived at Friday which means we're just going to be tossing out some fluff to close things out and enjoy the extended Super Bowl weekend, right? I mean come on now, of course that isn't going to happen on this show. What actually happened this morning was a shocking set of allegations being tossed out and about, fueling a delightful rumor mill that we couldn't help but explore. You see, yesterday was what we here at iHeart call a "team building" day which basically means there was free food so people came to work. The Souper Bowl of Soups is a fun little time because it combines forcing the employees to do something while also giving everyone a little treat, genius really if you think about it. As for the entrants, anyone who works there and brings in a crock pot of "soup" is allowed to enter and everyone can taste test. Combine this with the fact that there was also pizza from Home Run Inn yesterday and it all seems magical, right? Furthermore, there were trophies and monetary gifts to be had as well, it was pretty great. Now, the only entrant from our show was Panterica because Angi's crockpot full of wine was disqualified as was Abe's crockpot of just Duke's mayo. Where the controversy came in though involved the actual winners of the contest, which happened to all be bosses. In third place was Jimmy Jam with his turkey chili. Don't let Todd or Big Papa hear this but that was actually her favorite dish but she also wasn't a celebrity chef judge so much like everything else in general, her opinion didn't matter. Todd the Taint came in second with what everyone was sure was literally Progresso chicken noodle soup from the can. First place though went to Big Papa, the boss of bosses for his beef stew. Now, if you haven't registered what the big deal is yet let me spell it out: all of the winners were bosses! This of course immediately feels like shenanigans, more so when Angi said that Big Papa's was good but she swears that it was chunky soup from the can (pause for gasps and shock fainting.) Now, it's fairly reasonable that all the employees were pissed by this outcome, with arms being thrown in the air and chairs being thrown at Angi as she read off the winners list. While she was running from people throwing hot bowls of food across the room, Big Papa was handed a massive trophy, $500 and had hot soup poured on his head. (For the record, Todd and Jimmy Jam's cash prizes are being used to clean the messes out of the carpet and walls.) The whole incident is being referred to around the building as "Soupgate" which makes sense seeing as Big Papa loves the Patriots and now he's a cheater like them. Sure, the "soups" were allegedly blind taste tested but what are the odds that all three winners were the bosses. If they win, they should at least slide it down to employees. More pressing to Angi though was figuring out where the money Big Papa won was going. It turns out we didn't need to wait long because he texted her during the break to announce that the entire staff were haters, Todd can suck it and that his $500 prize would be refurbished into a trivia game at the next big staff meeting. It seems that Angi did do some good today but at what cost, now the bosses know we all hate them and all of our contracts are coming up soon....
Other Stuff from Today's Show
Finally, in news that should be considered upsetting for at least Jay the Straight and Cathy, the gaming board has apparently approved the Medinah Temple being turned into the temporary Bally's casino spot. This is over in River North (and the actual one will be close to Abe's condo which means that he'll be sleeping on Lower Wacker at some point.) This temporary site will be opening this summer and these two degenerate hooligans plan on going after work every day. A little tip they offered up for anyone else who doesn't like having money is to make sure you hit up the ATM on the way to the casino and not the one in it so you don't have to pay fees. This spiral into money wasting madness also brought forth fantastic ideas, like how Rock 95.5 should sponsor the casino. Michael Jordan has his own room at the Horseshoe, why should there be an Angi & Abe poker room and blackjack stall. Another great idea is to just have the Rock 95.5 stage at Bally's because they will more than likely be hosting concerts there. As usual, Abe took it too far by saying we should build a studio in the casino and do the show there every day. Angi, being the actual realist of the group because Abe lives in a delusional cloud (on which his Ivory Tower sits) knows that this could never work. These two at the casino every day would mean that Jay the Straight would be doing his man cave art jacking out in a cardboard box within a month while Abe would be doing his best Brendan Fraser lying next to the buffet table for the sequel to The Whale. Perhaps the one thing that came from this that seemed most reasonable though was our show being a part of the grand opening. Let Angi & Abe cut the ribbon with those special scissors and hand out some chips to the roadies so they can have a little fun along with these degenerates.
Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap:
Mon: Angi wanted to go back to the Summer of '69
Karen had Angi decide to drop acid since she was going back to the 60's. As Angi pondered how to return to the 60's, she remembered the time machine that Rock 95.5 bought for a promotion that never got used. Something about the budget for the promotion being redistributed to Febrewary and lawsuits against Todd. Angi ventured into the machine stuffed inside a broom closet and within moments, she found her back in the Summer of '69. A random hippy wandered over as she appeared on the street and offered her a tab of acid, as that's what they did back in the 60's. She reached out to take it but instead the hippy came forward and put it in her mouth with her tongue, another practice that was still widely acceptable precovid. Within moments, Angi felt the effects and she was loving it, all the colors swirling and flaming skulls melting around her. The skulls belonged to none other than Bryan Adams, who chided Angi because he didn't do that stuff. All of the word bubbles that escaped him though didn't make sense to Angi as they floated away and she found herself dancing down the street. Even though she was dancing and singing "Because I Got High," Angi could feel that this high was just not for her. In fact, it became a bit too much at one point as her stomach started to turn. Stopping next to a four headed dog, Angi leaned over and started to puke. It was an endless stream of rainbow chaos but she just couldn't stop. All Angi wanted to do was return to the Summer of '20 so she could do nothing in lockdown but instead she kept heaving. Eventually, the dehydration hit and Angi collapsed, still vomiting which ended up causing her to suffocate as she laid on the floor throwing up. (Dead)
Tue: Angi wanted to go to The Villages, a swingers retirement community in Florida
Abby had Angi decide to swing with Ethel and Hank. After pulling into the parking lot of the community, Angi was astounded to see so many black loofahs. Sure, she was new to the lifestyle but she really wanted to get down and dirty. It was then that she spotted Ethel and Hank, too pretty good looking oldies who were exiting a car that had a massive black loofah sitting on the hood of their ride. She approached the pair and offered to get it on with them which they gleefully accepted. It had been quite some time since they last had someone only a few years younger than them join in on the fun. The trio returned to their condo and it was on the moment they walked in the door. Ethel and Hank truly had everything, including a sex swing, the rack, a Sybian, several ball gags, a few whips and even a gimp outfit. Angi was overwhelmed with the choices but decided on the rack and so the couple tied her up to the torture device. However, all that effort to pin her up was quite straining on the pair and suddenly, Hank clutched his chest and fell over dead from a heart attack. Ethel saw Hank go down and couldn't bear the loss so she too had a heart attack and fell over dead. Angi ended up tied down and screaming, stuck to the rack without anyone knowing she was there. After three days, she started to lose her voice from screaming but no one's hearing aids were turned up enough to hear her. After six days though, dehydration finally claimed her and she died naked and thirsty. (Dead)
Wed: Angi wanted to join Aaron Rodgers in his isolation chamber
Sarah had Angi decide to kill Aaron Rodgers to not have to deal with him. Needing to escape from the week she had been having, Angi decided to go to the silent retreat that Aaron Rodgers was holed up at. She assumed that while there, she could contemplate if moving to The Villages for retirement was the right choice and whether or not she should get the white Ford Bronco golf cart. As the retreat was invite only, Angi had to pose as a DoorDash driver to get in and up toward Aaron's pod. Armed with a bunch of vegan food and beer cheese soup, Angi entered the community and drove up to where Aaron was isolated. Upon exiting the car, he stepped out wearing a Jesus robe and waved Angi forward. Climbing the 600 steps was already starting to break the straw on Angi's back but it was what Aaron did next that sent her over the edge. "Hi, I have your order," she gasped out when finally at the top of the stairs. Aaron stepped forward and leaned into her, whispering in her ear, "Shut up, the money is on the counter." Aggravated and tired of his absolute arrogance, Angi decided that the retreat was actually the worst idea ever. Angi reached into the DoorDash bag and pulled out the dessert, which was a shotgun. She cocked and pulled it, blasting a massive hole in Aaron. With the problem solved, Angi sighed as she realized she had to go back down the 600 steps she had just come up. (Alive)
Thur: Angi had to judge the Souper Bowl of Soups contest
Shannon had Angi decide to pick Sir Poops-a-Lot Chili as the winner. Angi normally skipped out on these types of functions but for some reason, she attended this one. Walking through the rows of soups and such, Angi sniffed each one and found herself getting kinda hungry. Lucky for her, Big Papa came over and deemed her as one of the judges so she would get to taste test before everyone else. She walked past whatever Cigarette Sally had slopped into the crock pot before her and she stepped over to Sir Poops-a-Lot's bubbling cauldron. It was filled to the brim with delicious chili and she was digging it. The meat, the beans, all of it came together in a flavor explosion and she couldn't believe how good it was. Angi didn't even bother to taste the rest of the dishes before deeming Sir Poops-a-Lot the winner. Enraged, Cigarette Sally came from behind her side of the table and walked over toward Angi. She berated her knowing that Angi actually called her Cigarette Sally behind her back. Doubled with the fact that Angi ignored her steaming pot of chowder, she picked up the ceramic bowl and swung it forward into Angi's head. Angi hit the floor with a thud and Cigarette Sally climbed over her, lifting up the crock pot and bringing it down on her head. She didn't stop after the first blow though, continuing to smash the pot down on Angi's head until it was nothing more than an exposed skull filled with bloody soup. (Dead)
Fri: Angi had to do the Gatorade shower at the Super Bowl
Ethan had Angi decide to fill the Gatorade jug with the red Gatorade. Somehow, someway, Angi got to not only go to the Super Bowl but also do the ceremonial Gatorade dump. The thing was, Angi had spent so much time in the locker room sniffing Travis Kelce's t-shirts that she had to rush to actually get the Gatorade. Normally, time is taken to fill up the cylindrical cooler but Angi knew she had to be on the field fast. Running over to a white tent situated next to the Gatorade truck, Angi grabbed the first cooler she saw and made her way through the tunnel. She luckily had made it just in time and was standing behind (spoiler alert) Andy Reid when she was given the go ahead to dump the Gatorade. She tossed off the lid and poured it all down onto Andy's head. However, it turned out that what Angi was pouring out was not fruit punch Gatorade but blood. In fact, there was so much blood, the producers of the Super Bowl thought someone had spliced in a scene from Carrie. Not only was Andy Reid and the entire Chiefs crew upset but so were all the fans. They began to boo Angi and threw their foam fingers, footballs, pretzels and hot dogs at her. On top of that, all the fans at home who had bet on DraftKings ripped their TV's off the wall and threw them on the floor as none of them had picked blood as the Gatorade flavor. As she exited the stadium to a shower of boo's, Angi was humiliated, hated and lost her chance to rub her face against Travis Kelce's glorious torso. (Alive)
Request Wars 2.0
Champion: Angi (Streak: 6)
Angi's (repping Morgan) Song Choice: "Rollin’ (Air Raid Vehicle)" by Limp Bizkit
Abe's (repping The Grenade) Song Choice: "Save Yourself" by Stabbing Westward
Smack Talk Recap:
If you like Walt, Chicago and Rock & Roll, you need to vote for Abe. Abe was literally kissing Walt's ass. Angi was singing "Save Yourself" all day yesterday. Angi loves her song and remembered going to the Family Values Tour. Every day Walt does the Set List at Noon and you can get a song on there as well. Abe is a brown nosing dirty lying suckbutt. Snake the Record Guy called in to yell at Angi.
Winner: Angi
10 O'Clock Toast:
Scott Stapp
He deserves the blame for Creed's split because he got mixed up in things during his rockstar life. We toast him today because it takes alot to admit when you're wrong and you screwed up.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"There must be some good strip clubs in Philadelphia, they love climbing poles." - Abe
"'Angiholic,' that's the person at the party like Taylor that drinks up all the booze, picks a fight with everyone's husband and tries that peanut butter trick with your dog." - Minn Barb
Best Bet of the Week (Super Bowl): Take the Chiefs +1 1/2 against the Eagles